Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
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"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
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Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
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