she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize