hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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