Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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