The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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