i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
