I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
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