Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
