wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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