I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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