I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I got inside last night via doggy door
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
