Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
