so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
