happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
