Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
