Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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