We're facebook friends in real life
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
