Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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