Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it was like having sex with a tree stump
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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