He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's blow job season.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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