New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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