FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
