and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
