Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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