Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize