Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
