remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
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I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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