I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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