We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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