someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
