I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
why didn't you poke me back
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
