The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
