Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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