Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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