I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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