i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
