I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
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Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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