I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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