Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
