My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
