Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize