yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
