Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize
