Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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