Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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