sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
