he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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