I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
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