My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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