Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
