did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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