Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
