you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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