Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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