Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
