i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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