I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I will be naked everywhere
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Randomize
