i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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