umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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