So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Found the puke drawer
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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