Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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