He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
