its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
