Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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