party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
