Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
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I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
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in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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